Give and Take

Tonight I'm writing from my heart.  My heart is smiling but beneath that smile is dark, it is filled with fear and anxiety. My anxiety is high as I learn this week that two cancer kids have relapsed. In one case the Leukemia was found in the CNS. Prognosis means total brain radiation and don't forget 2 more years added on to the already 3 years of chemo.  This is a nightmare that has become a reality for two families.
     I have heard doctors tell other cancer moms to just not go on the Internet or Google. Sure that sounds great, to just live in some la-la land of ignorance. At some point you have to face reality. You have to face your biggest fears. I'm the first to admit that facing those fears are dark and hard. It's easy to smile and fake it and act like all is well. Then you don't have to even talk about those nightmares. When you smile people think that all is well and that life is good.
     I know what they all say: Just don’t think that way and it won't happen to you. Think positive, have hope. This is all easier said than done.
     There is more to life than positive thinking. Don’t get me wrong. I know and believe that being positive in life is the better route but it's not going to take those challenges we face and wipe them away.

     Being a cancer mom is the hardest challenge I have ever faced. It has challenged me in so many different ways and levels.  Tonight I also learned that Huntsman Cancer Institute is expanding. $100 Million dollars donated to make this happen. This is the largest genetic cancer center in the world and this time they are focusing on children and family cancer. "Hopefully we will make this disease disappear on way or another." This is HOPE, this is for a brighter future for our cancer cuties.

     I talk often about how the Lord or our Heavenly Father does not take away without giving back. Here is one example. My fear was high with the news of these young children having to fight for their life again, but some how I was shown that glimpse of hope that someday this disease will disappear. Tonight my fears were replaced with hope. Something was taken but then given back.

     One day at a time, maybe not even a day but one step at a time we face those fears and those gifts of hope are poured down unto us.  My hope is that our sweet little Presley will continue to fight and fight hard. I also know that the Lord will not take a part of her childhood without replacing it with something. Her little spirit is something I can't explain she really is a gift and has taught me so much in my life. To me a superhero is someone who doesn't give up, who continues to fight and face those fears with a smile. Presley you are a true superhero.