speaking from my heart

I get this comment often "You are almost done!", by well meaning people!  Yes we are almost done but it's been a very hard place to be. Don't get me wrong. We are so excited to be DONE with this very difficult, long and very tiring time. We can't wait for Presley to feel what it feels like to not be on chemo and for her to start her road of healing But are we ever DONE? That's the part that's hard for me. We now get to deal with late effects. The aftermath. I'm so grateful we made it this far with no major problems, but in the other hand, we are no more actively preventing her leukemia from returning. It's a scary place I feel more depressed today than the day she was diagnosed. 
A comment was made this week by a well meaning person, that has stirred up some strange emotions. They asked if I was "used to this by now?"
I realize that for many, cancer is something that is distant and unfamiliar and for you (like it was for me) it is something that you can hear about, feel bad for the person suffering and then continue on your day. But, for me, and for other people who are faced with the realities of cancer on a daily basis it is a fresh wound that is "emotionally open" all the time. It never gets easier to fight this thing. It never gets easier to hold down your child for painful procedures while they plead for you to help them. It never gets easier to have the constant threat of your child being taken from you. The only thing that gets easier is your ability to put on a brave face- this is something cancer families are pro's at. We know very well how to pretend our heart isn't broken and that our world isn't shattered. But never mistake this outward show of bravery as a lack of pain.
So please be patient with us who are trying to continue walking on as though our legs aren't being swept out from under us.