We have come a long way
in the last 11 months. We are almost to the one year mark of her diagnosis. I have spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about this last year. (this blog was written a few months ago)
Today marks a special
day for Presley and an emotional one for me. Today we stepped into normal, it
was hard but we did it. It breaks my heart every
morning when she wakes up and asks "Is today clinic?" When the answer
is no, you can literally see the relief on her face. When the answer is yes,
you can see the fear and anxiety building up. Today's fear of getting poked in
her chest was replaced with pure excitement when she heard, "today is dance
class". I can't even count how many times she has had to wake up and go
to clinic and be poked in the chest with a big needle,take many different types of chemo that make her sick, and enduring long hours at clinic. I wish I could have
captured that smile when she heard it was dance day. I'm so thankful for the
thought of Presley being able to have more days like today and get to do things
that don't bring so much anxiety in to her little world.
Presley has been telling
me that she wants to be a ballerina. I can't even put into words the timing of
this or how people fall into your life. Its just a testimony to me that we are
not forgotten. The Lord knows what we need and somehow places those miracles in
your life at the right time. Presley was given a
dance scholarship. Her dance teacher is perfect. I'm not too familiar with dance
or ballet but I know Ms. Kim was put into our life for a reason. I got an email
Sunday night from Kim telling me she would like for Presley to start ballet
right away, that she had opening and didn't want to waste any time. I told he
we were going to be gone for 2 weeks and worried if that would be a problem.
She again reassured me and encouraged us to start on Tuesday (two days
later). She then went on to say that her class required a dress code, but not
to worry she would have all the supplies needed on Tuesday morning.
She greeted us "Is this Presley?", got on her level and handed her a 3 leotards, tights and pink leather slippers. She began class...sitting in a circle with the other little girls. Even on the first day of class I knew the teacher was something special. Somehow, within minutes, she had a room full of 2-4 year old girls listening, moving in order, and participating as a group. Wow. That is a task. Presley was intently watching and working to move her body as the teacher did. In my first glimpse of her as a student, as a dancer, I cried with pride and love. She was amazing. Some of the other parents watched, and some read, and some played with their phones and ipads. My eyes were glued on that little ballerina in ballet pink. Presley was beautiful. I wonder if any other parents wondered about her funky haircut. The rest of the girls hair was perfectly done with a cute bow. Most parents seemed not to notice, or were too polite to ask. One mom over heard Ms. Kim talking about her cancer and had a million questions to ask. I didn't really want to tell the whole story I just wanted to be in the moment. But I did tell her to be polite. They did notice the crying. I'm sure they wondered why I was crying. They looked and stare. I wonder what they think. Oh well...if they knew I'm sure their hearts would be filled with love seeing how far she has come today. It was just a tiny waiting room where the mothers waited for their girls to be done. I was taking it all in. Trying to think about and remember the growth that has happened in the past year. I wanted to feel the difference from last spring to today. Today was a celebration of a healthy little leukemia fighter, dancing her heart out.
She greeted us "Is this Presley?", got on her level and handed her a 3 leotards, tights and pink leather slippers. She began class...sitting in a circle with the other little girls. Even on the first day of class I knew the teacher was something special. Somehow, within minutes, she had a room full of 2-4 year old girls listening, moving in order, and participating as a group. Wow. That is a task. Presley was intently watching and working to move her body as the teacher did. In my first glimpse of her as a student, as a dancer, I cried with pride and love. She was amazing. Some of the other parents watched, and some read, and some played with their phones and ipads. My eyes were glued on that little ballerina in ballet pink. Presley was beautiful. I wonder if any other parents wondered about her funky haircut. The rest of the girls hair was perfectly done with a cute bow. Most parents seemed not to notice, or were too polite to ask. One mom over heard Ms. Kim talking about her cancer and had a million questions to ask. I didn't really want to tell the whole story I just wanted to be in the moment. But I did tell her to be polite. They did notice the crying. I'm sure they wondered why I was crying. They looked and stare. I wonder what they think. Oh well...if they knew I'm sure their hearts would be filled with love seeing how far she has come today. It was just a tiny waiting room where the mothers waited for their girls to be done. I was taking it all in. Trying to think about and remember the growth that has happened in the past year. I wanted to feel the difference from last spring to today. Today was a celebration of a healthy little leukemia fighter, dancing her heart out.
Dance is a great place
for Presley to learn some life skills that she simply has missed out on the
past year. Learning respect for others, taking turns, socializing, coordination
and an appreciation of her body.
I remember back in April
at the barn event in Colorado we met a mom and a teenage girl who like Presley
had ALL at the age of three. The moms words of advice were "Put her in a
dance class, I wish I would have done that with my daughter" I wondered
about that...she then quickly talked about the late effects of vincristine
(chemo) and how it stiffens leg muscles especially those in the achilles tendon.
I aways remember that advice. At the time that seemed like a long way out..as I was helping my daughter re-learn how to walk that day back in April of 2013.
If you would have asked
me a year ago about ballet lessons I wouldn't have been able to even
picture or dream of that. I remember another cancer mom telling me that her
daughter was doing gymnastics in LTM. It was hard at that time to see past our
current stage of treatment. Those words from Amber gave me hope and something to
look forward to. A little over a year ago Presley was so sick. Her legs
had no muscles mass. She didn't have the strength to walk. That is a sight to
see when a 3 year old is not running, jumping and skipping around. Presley
didn't walk for 4 weeks and to think that today she was dancing with the
cutest little pink ballet slippers, I cried. Crying was all I could do.
Presley getting a
scholarship for ballet lessons was one of the ways we chose hope, the mantra
that has guided our cancer parenting since diagnosis. Hope for Presley.
Choosing hope meant believing that Presley would enjoy class and that it
would be good for her legs and her anxiety (therapy in a way) and eventually make
it to a recital to shine on stage. Choosing hope is one thing, finances are
another. I found out about this dance scholarship through a new paper article.
I'm again humbled by the generosity and love of stranglers. Ms. Kim knows the
benefit this will be for our daughter and she is willing to share her talent. I
know her talent and business will do better because of her giving of her talents
for little one like Presley. The timing was perfect just two days before
Presley told me she wanted to be a dancer and she is finally in a stage of
treatment that it was possible to let her do this.
There are certain things
moms and daughters do, things I had dreamed about since Presley was first
placed into my arms. Reading certain books to her, getting to paint her nail,
taking her shopping for girl clothes and cute bows were on the list. I know it
seems shallow. But not shallow to me. I don't take those little thing
for grandad. I took Presley to a little boutique and let her pick out a dance
bag. I got her a pair of slippers as the donated ones were tight for Presley.
My heart is full today. Today was therapy for both Presley and I. I needed to see her dancing with other little girls her age and to see her doing normal things. She has come a long way. My life is rich with blessings.I'm so thank for those blessings. The Lord simply does not take without giving back. Today was one of those days we we were given back!
No comments:
Post a Comment