I have tried and tried to write about the last 6 months of my life. I can't. I can have you imagine with me, what it would be like. March 12, 2013, a day I will never forget. 6 months ago I held a very sick baby and was terrified. Stepping into the unknown is scary. A tiny child has taught me what it means to be brave, strong and to keep smiling.
I often hear the words..."I can't imagine!'
We are on a journey we never imagined either.
We lived in a state of ignorance, we know live in a harsh reality.
For now, imagine with me...
Imagine the unknown & terror
Imagine being told your child is seriously ill.
Imagine crying until you think there is noting left.
Imagine signing a consent form knowing that death is an option.
Imagine handing your screaming child to a surgeon and waiting.
Imagine watching your child no long have the strength to walk.
Imagine pushing poison into your daughter.
Imagine holding your baby countless times while someone puts a needle in them as she cries.
Imagine playing with your daughters hair as it is falling out, and then having to shave it bald.
Imagine the guilt
Imagine being told the percentage chance that your child might survive.
Imagine holding back the tears when your other child is carried away from you screaming and not understanding why you are leaving him again.
Imagine the loneliness
Imagine not being able to leave the house for fear of infection
Imagine not being able to make any plans apart from hospital and clinic visits.
Imagine being stuck in isolation and not seeing anyone for days.
Imagine becoming a nurse and learning new words which is all you talk about anymore.
Imagine good friends being too uncomfortable to see you or speak to you anymore.
Imagine strangers staring and making comments about your daughter.
Also imagine the hope
Imagine the kindness you feel from people you don't know.
Imagine the support system from people you've never met but know how it feels.
Imagine the magic of each smile knowing that this smile was lost for weeks and is not back.
Imagine how fragile and precious life feels.
Imagine the fear and anxiety
Imagine not knowing if your child will make it or not
Imagine the nightmares I live with
Imagine each blood test wanting to hear those words no sign of disease
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